Dark Odyssey: Surrender

Twitt

Dark Odyssey: Surrender

Can you Imagine a hotel room nearly taken over by kinksters, in the busy city of San Francisco? I can. I’ve seen it. This past November (ok so this post is about a bit late) I had the opportunity to participate in this glorious, kinky weekend. Dark Odyssey: Surrender came to town. My knowledge of this event came from a good friend of mine, Danarama. He asked me to be his bottom for the Suspension Showcase on the night of Friday the 9th. Seeing as rope is one of my biggest fetishes, I eagerly agreed! We actually prepared for this starting in October. Almost weekly we’d meet up in Dan’s little downstairs dungeon and try out suspension after suspension after suspension. (My tolerance for rope certainly increased during this training period.) Finally, on Thursday the 8th, we were ready. We knew exactly what music we were using, what dance moves we needed, and which suspensions to do.

This event was about more than just rope suspensions though. Dark Odyssey brought together a diverse group of kinksters from all ends of the country. Every single pervy activity you can think of was accounted for. There was a Little Miss/Mister Little’s Pagent (which the amazingly talented and beautiful Siouxsie Q won), an entire floor of the hotel dedicated to play space and – of course – classes. Lots and LOTS of classes on all sorts of play. Before the Suspension Showcase, I had time to attend a class on medical stapling. This was taught by non other than Stefanos and Shay. I left the class not wanting to staple someone (though they allowed class time for the audience to staple the two lovely demo-bottoms) but wanting to be stapled myself. Alas there was not enough time to have Shay staple me. Hopefully another time.

Later that first night (after my performance with Dan), my husband hung out in the lovely pillow filled massage room with the lovely StrapOn Jo and a new friend they made that night. I spent that night (after the Suspension Showcase) in the main play space enjoying my first inverted suspension (did I mention I love rope?). After being in the play space until well after 2am, we finally retired to our hotel room. (Yes having the event at the hotel meant we could play to our hearts content and not worry about transit in the SF Bay.)

The next morning I enjoyed the breakfast buffet downstairs (bacon, eggs, bagels, fruit and pastries were on my plate) before heading out to the various classes of the day. I ended up in the Creative Mindfuckery class (which he teaches throughout the year) taught by Danarama and Give it to him: Prostate Play and Pegging taught by Charlie Glickman.

Initially I had a bit of remorse for visiting Dan’s class. Not for any reason other than I wanted him to Mind Fuck me someday and attending his class gave me the impression that I knew all of his tricks. The fact of the matter is Dan is quite a creative sadist. I found out recently that he has MANY more tricks than he demonstrated in that class. So if you’re interested in Mindfuckery, his is a class you have to take (just leave your submissive at home). In Charlie’s class I learned how to find the prostate. As someone who has never pegged a man (but has fantasies of doing so) this was the best possible advice I could have received. As soon as I get my fingers (and toys) in some submissive boy’s bottom (or a bottom boy’s bottom) I’ll post some more details. In the meantime, you can visit the launch for his upcoming book: The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure.

The second night we were all in for a huge treat. If you paid for admission to Dark Odyssey and MISSED this amazing you, you’re clearly a headcase. What were you thinking? You missed out on one of the highlights of the entire event!! The Wet Spots played for us that night! If you haven’t heard of The Wet Spots, get on YouTube and watch Do You Take it? now! (One of the songs they performed was a cover of Roy Zimmerman’s Defenders of Marriage.) The Wet Spots make great background music for your next play party. And if you’re ever attending an event in which they are performing, don’t be a headcase. Go watch them!

By Sunday morning I was on kinky cloud nine. The Blood Pendants class later that day brought a tear to my eye. Stefanos and Shay showed the class how to incorporate a deep, loving intimacy to their blood play along with making time for arts-and-crafts (the first 15 people were given a kit for drawing blood and making a pendant with it). After lunch that day I went to the rope harness class with Topologist. I was there as a demo bottom for a friend (the same friend that suspended me upside-down). This class, like so many this weekend, allowed for audience participation. No one was seated. Everyone in the room was standing up practicing their ropes on a friend.

Finally that night someone beat me up. I snuck off to an empty play room (modeled after an abandoned alleyway and complete with metal trash can) with Mister Sean (who happened to be the DM of the play space that weekend). The details of what happened in that room I won’t share. Those are between myself and Mister Sean (and the audience he let in once he realized I’m a bit of an exhibitionist too). I will share that this was my first time having a dominant play with me at a public play space that was not a porn shoot. That made me very, very happy. I hope to do some more of that in the future :)

Submissive and her bruises

The aftermath of my playtime with Mister Sean.

Thank you mister sean for the play time.

Mostly though, thank you to Greg and his crew for putting together an amazing weekend here in San Francisco. I truly hope Dark Odyssey will visit us every year.

by Audrey on December 25, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Uncategorized

Posted by Audrey on December 25, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/dark-odyssey-surrender/

So I have a tumblr…

Twitt

Check it out :)

I’m the Perverted Housewife on tumblr.

by Audrey on November 14, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Mexico

Posted by Audrey on November 14, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/so-i-have-a-tumblr/

You can take the girl out of the ghetto…

Twitt

…but you can’t take the ghetto out of the girl.

My dear friend Rain DeGrey joined me and my hubby (with her hubby) for a hike this past weekend. As people tend to do while trudging along in the wilderness for hours on end, we talked and talked and talked some more! I told her a little story about a recent home burglary and what I did about it. I hadn’t thought to blog about it until Rain pointed out that it actually is a pretty damn cool story.

So here goes…

On Labor day I offered up my car and time to a new friend. He was moving from one apartment to another. Moving stinks. Like, really really stinks. We all know this. I find one of the best ways to extend my friendship to someone new is, if at all possible, join them for crappy but necessary activities (like moving). So off I drove to SF to help my new friend cram my car full of stuff, then un-cram it in some new location.

While we were finishing up the last of the cramming at his old place I get a frantic text message from my husband’s iPad. Below is the gist of our conversation.

 

Henry telling me about his stolen phone

My words are in blue.

I knew he was upset and I was not close by. He called Oakland PD and I called our good friend Jack Hammer to drop by the house and keep him company in my absence. I knew my beau was panicking and I didn’t want him to be alone. I eventually got home and the three of us hung out waiting for the police. The police never came.

Later in the day we kept tracking the phone using Find my iPhone. We tracked it to a home near us and called the police again. OPD said they would go try and find the phone.

Of course this whole time, being the shameless bitch I am, I kept sending messages to the phone via Find My iPhone. I informed the thief that we were tracking them, we knew they had our phone, etc. Basically whatever scary, threatening thing I could think of saying. The thief would turn the phone off, and back on. Of course, every time the phone came back on, they were bombarded with my threatening messages.

We didn’t hear back from OPD so we continued to track the phone and called again. This time it was at an apartment complex in Oakland. We gave this information to Oakland Police and they let us know that they didn’t want to put their officers in danger so there was nothing they could do for us. They wouldn’t come out to take a police report and they certainly wouldn’t take the information we were gathering from the phone and help us recover it because they were afraid of putting officers in danger.

Yes everyone, you did read that correctly. Oakland Police is more frightened of you than you are of them. Just remember that. Their officers assume you’re a violent person out to harm them and won’t respond to lesser crimes because of it. So unless someone is dying or severely injured, you’ll have to take matters into your own hands as I chose to do.

Shortly after midnight I drove to the apartment complex with my husband. It was in a very sketch neighborhood a stone’s throw away from OPD. My plan was to create a scene. A loud, hopefully frightening, scene. At the very best OPD might actually come out (due to the shouting or possibly a physical fight) and we might get our phone back. At the very worst I’d get my ass kicked or be shot (this was in a very, very sketch part of Oakland).

Looking back, this was not the wisest decision on my part. There is a very good chance I was in over my head and could have left injured or worse. At the time, that didn’t matter to me. I wasn’t about to just let some thief think they could target our home again and again. I didn’t want them to think we were scared and I certainly didn’t want them to think we weren’t willing to defend ourselves without OPD.

I wanted to defend my home and my loved one. I wanted to make it clear that I would not sit idly by and be a victim. So I did what any girl would do and I shouted threats at the top of my lungs until I had woken up everyone in the apartment complex, and likely, the neighborhood.

I remember shouting things like, “Get your ass out here you fucking pansy,” “Are you too scared to face me?” and “Hey everyone, this pansy, thief mother-fucker is scared of a 5’5” girl!”

And of course, I continued to send them threatening messages on Find my iPhone while standing outside of their home. I let them know I was outside of their home and that they should put on their big boy pants and face me (via Find my iPhone). Being that the thief was a frightened pansy that couldn’t face someone as harmless looking (and seriously, I’m 5’5” and under 130 lbs) as me, they turned off the phone and stopped receiving my messages.

My hope with these actions is that whomever decided to break in will think twice. They will remember that the resident of this home is a crazy, frightening little woman that is willing to track them down in the middle of the night and follow them home. I hope they’ll remember that they were too scared to face me.

by Audrey on October 24, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in My Life

Posted by Audrey on October 24, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/you-can-take-the-girl-out-of-the-ghetto/

Die Already Cable TV

Twitt

Anyone that knows me can vouch for my love (like true, passionate, unending, pure love) I have for television. I love my TV. I cannot live without it. The week the iPad was launched, I was happily enjoying Netflix everywhere I went. I even used to subscribe to Hulu in it’s early days! (Hulu Plus is a joke. There are **still** commercials and some content is limited to your computer only. I want to watch what I want, when I want, where I want. I’m willing to pay for it. Hulu Plus doesn’t let me pay for what I want.)

One of the features I truly desire in my dream home is to have TV’s (with great sound systems) everywhere. I want a small one in my kitchen (preferably built into my fridge door, cabinet, or some other cool place), one in my bathroom (I do spend a lot of time primping in there), one in my bedroom (of course) and one visible from the hot tub (maybe just a projector and a screen outside). I want them all to be networked together and controllable from one central location (so if I’m say, doing laundry, I can continue watching my show while I walk around the house putting the laundry away).

Devils Film Parodies

So yes, I love TV.

That said, I love paying for my TV but NOT through the cable companies. There is no reason that in this day-and-age, with our modern technology, that cable companies should enjoy the monopoly they do (Game of Thrones anyone?). I want to be able to purchase my TV á la carte! I already buy what I can from iTunes and stream the rest from NetFlix and ABC’s media player. I want more though! I want to be able to give HBO money for Game of Thrones and be able to stream the episodes as they come out. Already the current Season Pass system (through iTunes) can be frustrating since I can’t watch a new episode until the day after it has aired. I’d be willing to have commercials in my shows if it meant I could stream them, as they aired and not have to wait a day (having to wait a day spoiled some of the surprises for Big Brother 14 this summer).

This can cause a problem for movie rentals too. Recently I wanted to have a Meet the Parents/Fockers & Baby Fockers marathon with my beau. We watched Meet the Parents on Netflix only to discover that there is no way to legally stream, rent, or buy Meet the Fockers from the comfort of our own couch. Were we really supposed to stop canoodling on our couch, put on clothes, and sober up in the middle of the night just to drive around town looking for a DVD to continue our marathon? Hell to the no! We tried several legal avenues to purchase or rent this (directly to our Apple TV or PS3) but, alas, this crappy sequel is not available online in the USA.

What the fuck?  Don’t Universal Studios and Dreamworks want my money? Obviously not since they expect me to change my lifestyle (that is, peel my lazy self off of my sexy beau and our couch) to be able to consume their content. Well, no. Not gonna happen.

If this flick was available for purchase or rental today would I buy or rent it? Nope. The moment has passed. It is no longer a lazy, drunken movie night with the love of my life. We still have those but it just wouldn’t be the same. We were in a goofy comedy marathon mood that night.

So when there are complaints from the providers / sellers / whatever of this content over piracy, I get a bit frustrated. I haven’t used a torrent in ages because I want to financially support all the talented individuals that make the TV shows I love and cherish! I also finally have an income that makes it possible for me to be able to legally purchase content (be realistic everyone – some people will always pirate and usually it’s due to the content’s affordability).

That’s great! I should be able to just buy the TV I want and take it everywhere with me. I don’t want to be connected to my couch at certain times because that is when Big Cable says I have to be. I don’t want to shell out more than I have to every month (my TV budget is actually much less á la carte than it would be with a monthly cable bill). And if I want to watch TV on my phone while sitting on the crapper then by god I should be able to!

So entertainment content distributers if you’re out there, please let me give you my money.

 

POV Blowjobs (NSFW)

by Audrey on October 16, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Media Consumption, My Life, Piracy, Technology

Posted by Audrey on October 16, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/die-already-cable-tv/

Audrey Rose, Newest Porn Pariah

Twitt

This post should have come a while back ago but I procrastinated for various reasons. The recent hysteria surrounding syphilis within our community has presented me with another opportunity to talk about honesty when it comes to sexually transmitted infections. The even more recent hysteria surrounding molluscum (haven’t heard? Watch twitter a few days and you will) has added to my motivation.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people want to keep their testing status to themselves. That is all well and good when you’re not fucking multiple people consistently (for work and/or pleasure). This secrecy spreads STI’s.

Back in April I tested positive for gonorrhea. I found out about this positive test on my way to shoot for Kink.com at the armory. Yes I was in the car, on my way. (Obviously my shoot was cancelled.) I was shocked! All my recent partners had been tested performers (some I fucked professionally, some I fucked for fun). Being the organized slut I am, I actually had all my recent partners scheduled on my private google calendar. I didn’t miss anyone. Every one I had had sex with since my prior clear test was accounted for, and tested themselves.

How then could I have gotten gonorrhea? I think the culprit here is shame. Someone I fucked hid their positive status and/or their exposure to gonorrhea. I believe this is due to the stigma that is still associated with having a sexually transmitted infection. Yes calling prior and present partner can be scary and overwhelming! Yes it’s no fun at all! Yes making these calls and being candid with my positive gonorrhea test result fucking sucked but there was no way I could, in good conscience, not inform anyone I may have put at risk in my ignorance (that is, prior to having tested positive I might have put other partners at risk without knowing it).

Now I find myself going through a similar experience. On August 22 I was diagnosed with a skin condition called molluscum contagiosum. These small dome-shaped bumps are nothing more than an aesthetic nuisance. They don’t itch, they don’t hurt, and unlike HPV, they don’t cause cancer. Sadly though, they do cause a panic. Now, before the rumor-mill begins churning I need to nip this in the butt, immediately, before I’m publicly tarred and feathered.

I have shot twice since my diagnosis and both times I have been completely honest with all parties involved. The first was an Ultimate Surrender match. Before the match I made it clear to my opponent that she didn’t have to wrestle me. I let her know about the condition. The referee knew. She (my opponent) knew (and consented). Everyone still agreed to move forward. The second was a live hogtied shoot on Saturday that involved no skin-to-skin physical contact. Even though there was going to be no contact, I still let everyone involved know.

It seems that this has caused quite a panic at the kinky castle. The green room has been quarantined off, as have other areas I’ve been in. Kink Live cam shows are down as well and I can only assume it is for the same reason.

This is an overreaction. I did nothing different while recovering from Molluscum than when I recovered from gonorrhea.

During my time recovering from gonorrhea, I shot for Ultimate Surrender (direct physical contact) and Kink Live (like in HogTied, no physical contact) before I had a clear test. How is this possible you ask? I was definitely pleasantly surprised when I was allowed to continue working. I actually did ask to have my match rescheduled and I was reassured it was okay. Below I’ve pasted the contents of an email conversation I had with the names of those involved (besides me, duh) removed.

On May 3, 2012, at 5:27 PM, [Kink employee name omitted due to privacy] wrote:

Hey Audrey,
We are still gonna do the shoot there will just not be any fluid exchange.
Can you get re-tested this coming Monday at ———– for future shoots in May?
Sent from my iPhone

On May 3, 2012, at 5:22 PM, “Audrey Rose” wrote:

I still need to get retested since I just got treated Monday for gonorrhea
Can this be rescheduled?

Sent from my iPod

On May 3, 2012, at 4:13 PM, [Kink employee name omitted due to privacy] wrote:

Kink shoot itinerary for Audrey Rose 5/8 Hey Audrey,
Here is your itinerary for next week.  Please email me if you have any questions.
Thanks!
[Kink employee name omitted due to privacy]

The day of the match, the first thing I did was inform Yasmin about my positive gonorrhea test and asked her if she wanted to shoot with me. She agreed! At one point in the match she slipped her fingers in my pussy and I protested with, “Wait, I thought there would be no fluid exchange.” I didn’t know if the treatment had worked. I didn’t know if there were gonorrhea juices all over her fingers from my cunt! Of course I protested!! No one even batted an eye and we kept going. I had the same reaction with Kink Live. I was told I could continue to cam, even with my positive gonorrhea test. Everyone was just glad I was honest about the gonorrhea so they could take extra precautions when cleaning up my cam rooms and any shared sex toys I came into contact with.

I don’t understand how now, this molluscum, is causing such an uproar. I did everything the same. I informed the referee before the match. I informed and received consent from the other model before the match. Before HogTied, I informed the director (and was thanked for my honesty) and insisted on gloves used to handle me. It wasn’t until I found out that my opponent is convinced she is showing signs of molluscum that I decided to just cancel any shoot that involved skin-to-skin contact. I decided then that I don’t want to be the person on set that forces others to decide against their health or a paycheck.

Looking back should I have canceled my molluscum match? Yes! Should I have cancelled my gonorrhea match? Well, yes I probably should have. I didn’t cancel either because I was confident that I was not doing anything ethically wrong. Each time I was honest and open with any information surrounding my diagnosis.

Now, do I believe I should have cancelled my HogTied shoot? No. Not in the slightest. There is no way that anyone could catch molluscum from me in a sterile shoot like Hog Tied. That is the same reason I stick by decision to continue to cam for Kink Live back when I was treated for gonorrhea.

Furthermore, I can’t imagine molluscum can spread THAT easily. If it did, why doesn’t every non-condom performer have it at this point? Not like molluscum can be stopped by condoms any ways.

What is my point you ask? Well, I feel that my honesty has caused me to become the newest porn pariah. Could I have just wrestled last week and NOT told anyone? Yes. Could I have insisted I had a bad case of razor burn? Ingrown hairs? Yes. Would that have been ethical? No. Would I have created a panic? No. Would my name be associated with such a huge panic at the armory? No. (There is no other way I could have gotten this other than performing. So one of two things happened. Someone I worked with didn’t realize they were exposed or someone I worked with didn’t tell me. At least, had I been told in advance, I would have done my best to avoid any bumps on my partner and wash thoroughly immediately afterwards.)

The question now that arises inside of me is why was I honest about this? I could have gone on working and lying and hoping no one could notice (and I doubt anyone would have). I tweeted earlier, “My conscience is a luxury item.” It certainly is! I was honest about my molluscum because it did not sit well with my conscience to hide it and continue working (I even cancelled my upcoming LA trip). That would have been wrong and unethical. Now my honesty is costing me work, my reputation, and likely my modeling career.

If we are ever to move beyond this shame surrounding STI’s, it’s time to stop ostracizing those that come out openly and share their positive testing status. Otherwise we are just going to continue to get these “surprises” on our test results. We will continue to have people out there who are not willing to share their testing status if they don’t have to (we all know that the only tests disclosed for performers are gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, and now syphilis).

I hope that I will still be able to perform in any scenes that don’t involve anyone rubbing or penetrating my junk with anything other than inanimate objects. I really hope I will be able to go back to performing normally after I’m over my molluscum. Will that likely happen? Only time will tell.

by Audrey on September 17, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Health, Kink.com, My Life, Porn, STI

Posted by Audrey on September 17, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/audrey-rose-newest-porn-pariah/

Live on Hogtied

Twitt

 

Audrey Rose on Hogtied

Have you heard? I’ll be on HogTied live tomorrow starting at noon PST. I have no idea what Claire Adams has in store for me but I’m certain it will be brutal.

Stock up on your kinks now, or sign up for a membership so you don’t miss any of the fun! As always, members can make suggestions during the live show. So if you want to see me punished in any special way, make sure to tune in for this live show!

by Audrey on September 14, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in BDSM, bondage, Cam Show, Kink.com, Porn, Rope

Posted by Audrey on September 14, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/live-on-hogtied/

On submission

Twitt

This summer I began to learn a lot more about submission. It should come as no surprise to anyone that my newfound thoughtfulness on the subject was motivated by beginning my first D/s relationship, ever. I decided to write about the progression of my submission over the last couple of years. I don’t really draw any conclusions. This post is more like organized ramblings of mine on submission.

Here goes…

From the moment I put a name to my desires, that moment when I realized my sexual fantasies had a community, that my desires were felt by others and maybe, not so strange, I desired domination. Initially I explored my need for domination through fantasy. I would spend countless hours reading the BDSM section of Literotica.com and found a great public domain book, Generation Stables, that I read on my iPad (in public, panties always drenched). The fantasy wasn’t quite enough. It did improve my sex life with my husband but I still wanted more. By some slim chance, I happened to enroll in the same class with a very intelligent (I love a good mind on a man), witty, sexy, dominant male last spring. By that time my marriage was open enough to non-monogamy that I was able to express my desires to start a sexual relationship with my classmate to my husband. Our brief fling was a lot of fun. He used to collar me, pin me down, then take me forcefully. (And studying with him all semester long certainly helped my grade in the class as well. Double win!!)

Our power dynamic never extended beyond the bedroom. (I don’t think that ever crossed either of our minds at the time.) That fling eventually came to a mutually agreed upon end (and I’m happy to say he and I are still friends).

It is all starting to make sense now…

Finally I began to understand my own sexual desires. I realized that there was nothing wrong with the fact that I craved cruel sex, disliked receiving oral sex, and never desired to be “on top” (I’m a bottom). I also began to crave more of this style of play.

The biggest difficulty I had when I realized that I am a bottom and realized I wanted someone to dominate me consistently, was finding someone whom I trust and have sexual chemistry with. Of course the question that naturally arises is “Why doesn’t my husband dominate me?” I mean, I trust him and we have GREAT sexual chemistry! Well, my desire to submit greatly surpasses his desire (and motivation) to dominate. Occasionally we’ll play with a power dynamic during sex (we switch roles depending on our moods) but the D/s dynamic does not fit within our marriage. He gains little pleasure in beating me up and I desire to be beaten by someone that truly enjoys it.

And now, the porn…

So I decided to explore my kinky side by taking a shot at BDSM pornographic modeling. While still immersed in my spring fling, I applied to model for Kink.com. I got accepted to work for them and I began shooting and web cam work at the armory. During my early scenes I had no idea what I wanted or what (if any) limits I had. The more I shot for them, the more I learned about my submission. I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to explore my submission in such a safe, controlled, professional environment (all while getting paid!).

I learned…

  1. I don’t want to submit to just anyone. Submitting to a stranger (like an audience member at a shoot or a performer I’ve never met) can be a very frightening and taxing thing to do. How do I know they won’t hurt me (even accidentally)?
  2. I learned through shooting that I need all of that positive reinforcement as a part of my submission. I mean, it isn’t just completely sexual (more on that later). After a professional scene, I don’t get after care. There is no one to hug me and call me a good girl (though Isis Love does a great job of providing some sweet care during a scene in the way she wipes away my tears). There is no one around to express that they care for me.
  3. I learned about many of my current limits and how to express what I don’t want.
  4. I don’t like to be single-tailed on my naughty bits and by really mean sadists.
  5. I have a love/hate relationship with any cane.
  6. My bottom can take a massive spanking and I’m happiest when it is bruised.
  7. I like clothespins on my cunt but I don’t like them yanked off my cunt.
  8. I have my best orgasms when pain and mental connection are involved.
  9. I don’t like mind fucks or tears from mind fucks.

So I probably learned a lot more about my limits and desires than I listed above but it’s time to move on.

Moving on…

Now that I had learned these lessons what was next in my submissive voyage? Well I decided that I wanted to explore what a real Dominant/submissive relationship could be like. I had read about it in books and seen it in my porn but all of those examples seemed unsustainable and unrealistic. Take Generation Stables as an example. In this book women are kidnapped and kept as sex slaves, treated like animals, used for breeding, and paraded around like ponies. The premise and execution is SUPER HOT (oh my cunt was always dripping every time I read and reread this) but this isn’t what I want.

I don’t want to be kidnapped.

I don’t want to be kept in a stable as a sex slave.

Duh.

Now obviously, Generation Stables is an extreme example of unsustainable D/s but much of the other fantasies out there have similar themes of complete control, ownership and these super submissive women that NEVER seem to have a will of their own. Having my own example of lifestyle D/s seemed like the only logical next step to me.

So did I seek it out actively? Not quite. I did get involved more in the kinky community (though that was due more to the amount of free time I have now that I’ve finished undergrad). And I did decide that if I met the right dominant, I would not be opposed to consistent beatings, control and rough sex. In the meantime, I did have another fun sexy scene with my spring fling, continued to shoot, and continued to enjoy non-kinky fucking with my husband and other (kinky and vanilla) partners we chose to include in our sex lives.

Let’s see where this goes…

Now I’m a few months into exploring my first D/s relationship with a dominant man (that gets along with my husband – a necessary requirement for anyone I date outside my marriage) and I’m learning even more about myself as a submissive and what submission takes, outside of the bedroom. Like, I never would have guessed the importance of knowing how to express exactly what I want. As I said before, I already understood that I needed to know my boundaries and how to say, “No.” (That seems to be a no brainer when it comes to rough play.) What I didn’t realize was how important knowing how to say, “Yes,” (or actually, “Yes please Daddy”) could be for submission to work.

Currently I’m trying to nail down my selfish reason for my submission. Yeah it might sound odd that I’m even considering my submission selfish but it really is. Hearing my dominant speak on the subject helped me have an “ah ha” moment about this. I had never actually sat down and thought what selfish desires submitting to him, or to anyone, fulfills for me (and not just all sexual).

I’m certain I’ll learn much more about my submission (and myself) in the near (and hopefully distant) future. I’m looking forward to every lesson.

by Audrey on September 10, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in BDSM, My Life, Non-Monogamy, Randomness

Posted by Audrey on September 10, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/on-submission/

“terrible you make porn videos”

Twitt

On July 25, 2012 I received the following message to my YouTube channel (MiVidaSexy):

“Subject: terrible you make porn videos

What is WRONG with you?? You are SICK! What parent would ever raise their daughter to grow up to make porn videos?? You are just horrible! You set women back 200 years!! I am so upset I am shaking! I was watching Dawn Hawkins and then saw your video on the sidebar and am just SHOCKED! I can’t believe that people like you exist in the world!! I am going to have to write tons of blogs and make videos about this! I can’t believe YouTube would allow videos like yours!”

If you haven’t seen Dawn Hawkin’s “Torture Porn” YouTube video, go watch it then, go watch my video response..

The message above definitely merits a response.

“What is WRONG with you??”

Nothing is wrong with me. I am an average, 28 year old, married, tax-paying, American citizen. Well, I do have asthma and I am near sighted but nothing else is wrong with me. Yes I enjoy pornography (many people do and many more won’t admit they do) and I’m even working on making a career of pornography. This does not mean anything is wrong with me. Moreover, I enjoy sex that is probably considered deviant by the author of the message. That is, I enjoy group sex, sex with women, painful sex, degrading sex, public sex, anal sex, and, well, that is all I can think of now. Again, nothing is wrong with me. My kinks have been with me my entire sexual life and just now, at 28, am I able to proudly proclaim that this does not make me a bad person and that there is nothing wrong with me.

“You are SICK!”

I am a bit sick. I already said so! I’m asthmatic and recently my control medication has been leaving me a bit wheezy. I might have to see my general health practitioner about that soon but otherwise, I’m a pretty damn healthy woman.

“What parent would ever raise their daughter to grow up to make porn videos?? ”

My parents had nothing to do with my decision to make porn. My mother would actually be pretty upset if she knew. She is a devout Catholic that doesn’t attend church due to her disdain of priest abuses swept under rug by the church. My mother is not okay with homosexuality or premarital sex so I’m certain my g/g scenes and all the sex my husband and I have (consensually) outside of our marriage would definitely get under her skin.

My mother did teach me to value an education, work hard, save, and that everything I want I must work for; nothing is handed to me in life. I’d say those are some pretty damn good values to instill in any child and I’ve done/am doing all she taught me. I finished my undergraduate degree (and I might pursue a graduate one in the future); when I’m on a porn set I know I’m there to do a job [insert dirty joke here] and I work my naked butt off [or here]; I’m saving for my first home; and everything I own I’ve worked fucking hard for (my parents were always working class with almost no disposable income so no, I’ve had nothing — including college tuition — handed to me).

So no my parents did not raise me to make porn.

“You are just horrible!”

Granted, I do have a bit of a temper (especially before 10am and coffee) and I don’t tolerate BS or drama (yes I will cut people out of my life for these offenses) but otherwise I’m not horrible. I don’t drown kittiens or eat babies or anything.

“You set women back 200 years!!”

Well let’s check on a two key women’s rights.
Can we women still vote? Well, that has been set in our constitution for nearly 100 years and last I checked, the 19th amendment is still there. So yes we can still vote. Okay so my porn work has not cost women the vote.
What about reproductive rights? Say, birth control. That has been widely available since, what, the 70′s (if I’m wrong please correct me)? Is the pill still available? Yup! And so are a ton of other types of contraception! Okay so my porn work has not chiseled away at reproductive rights (there is no way I’ve done nearly as much damage to this as religious pro-lifers).

Voting and access to reproductive health are two HUGE improvements for women. I have not set women back on either.

Furthermore I’ll argue that I’m helping women progress. Women are still ostracized for being sexual creatures. That is, if a woman proudly proclaims that she embraces her sexuality on her own terms she is labeled a slut. I’ve been called and treated as such since I discovered that I love sex, all kinds of sex, and began pursuing it with multiple partners. I spent years thinking I was “damaged goods,” afraid to tell romantic interests about my sexual past (with good reason). Many of my previous lovers insisted they didn’t care about my sexual past. As soon as I would tell them — and usually I had more sexual partners than them — they would break it off with me, leaving me heartbroken!

Was my sin, committed well before I knew them, so great that they couldn’t be with me? Does any women with more sexual experience than a man deserve spinsterhood?

Not at all! Their reaction was simply a byproduct of a society that teaches women they are there to be pursued and less experienced than men.

I imagine there are many women out there that feel the same way and have not found the courage to be sexual creatures without stigma. To you ladies I say, there is nothing wrong with you! Please just make sure to take care of your sexual health while enjoying and exploring your body with others (I’m certain your local Planned Parenthood will answer any questions).

Yes it’s okay for women to like sex. Yes it’s okay for women to pursue sex. Stop bashing and insulting women that choose to express and enjoy their sexuality.

“I am so upset I am shaking!”

Why is that? Because my lifestyle conflicts with your moral and religious views? (Just a wild guess — stop me if I’m wrong.)

Get over it.

My life affects you in NO WAY. If you don’t like porn don’t watch it. If you don’t like me, IGNORE ME! Go ahead and teach your children (if you are a parent) that what I do is not something you agree with.

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It won’t stop you from shaking though. Maybe being a bit more tolerant of other views and lifestyles would. Seriously, living a life full of hatred and intolerance is really tiring. I really think you’d be much happier with a live-and-let-live attitude.

“I was watching Dawn Hawkins and then saw your video on the sidebar and am just SHOCKED!”

Oh yes the Dawn Hawkins video. I’ve been told she has seen it.

Dawn, the offer is still open for lunch. Maybe striking up a dialogue would help ease some of your concerns about kink.com. I know a great Indian place on 16th and Valencia near the Armory and I will gladly treat!

And miss send-me-angry-YouTube-mesages, you can come too! Maybe you’d see that I’m not a terrible person and that there is nothing wrong with me. I just choose to live my life differently than you.

“I can’t believe that people like you exist in the world!!”

And yes many people like me exist in this world and lucky for me, in the bay area. Many of my closest friends and lovers are other sex-positive, poly, kinksters and I LOVE THEM!!! If it wasn’t for having a community to call our own, we might actually begin to believe people like you or Dawn Hawkins.

“I am going to have to write tons of blogs and make videos about this!”

Please do so! We’re in America! Land of the free where you can speak your mind and I can be a pervert! We are both free to do that so please, exercise your freedom to bash me and my lifestyle while I go on enjoying my lifestyle. We’ll both be shaking but at least I’ll be shaking from great sex and not intolerance.

“I can’t believe YouTube would allow videos like yours!”

I know right? How dare YouTube allow any person to post a video defending their own view points, lifestyle, and community. You think they’d know better and censor infidels like us with viewpoints that oppose the moral majority!

by Audrey on August 8, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in ProPorn

Posted by Audrey on August 8, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/terrible-you-make-porn-videos/

LA Trip Take 2

Twitt

I’m on my second trip down to LA to hopefully, make a lot of smut :) Yesterday I had the privilege of shooting as a dominant for the first time ever! Normally I play the role of the submissive when I shoot. It was a pleasure to let me Dom side out, publicly.

When I arrived, there was another gorgeous dominant female playing with this subby boy. She liked to be called princess while calling the boy her little piggy.

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Princess and the piggy.

I preferred to let the dominant persona I developed during my cam shows come out. Madame
Rose finally had her time to shine.

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Madame Rose and her toy.

One part of the shoot was a series of face sitting clips. I was supposed to ignore the submissive, objectify him. You know, use him as furniture. I could think of nothing more appropriate to do while sitting on this submissive man’s face than send a message to my own dominant. That was an extra special thrill (and made my cunt especially wet).

Today I spent the day getting to know Manhattan Beach. I brought along several puzzles along with Blink (the only non iBook Malcolm Gladwell I own). I spent plenty of time in the sun, worked on my tan, and had tacos at a local dive. This bar had a great atmosphere but the bartender could not make a Manhattan to save her life! She handed me a glass of a yellow hue with a lemon rind in it. Whatever, I had a pleasant conversation with a regular that was headed out to Palm Springs (to work on some American Idol kids concert no less) then went back to sunbathing with my puzzles and book.

Below is me, at the beach :) Notice my puzzles? I lug them everywhere!

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Well, I off to shower the sand out of my hair. After that I’ll be using my hitachi then crawling into my big, lonely bed. xo

by Audrey on July 21, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in BDSM, My Life, Travel

Posted by Audrey on July 21, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/143/

Just a little fantasy…

Twitt

Part 1
—————-

The hogtie was simple. Jerry wrapped Eve’s svelte wrists with leather cuffs and locked them together. He followed by attaching each wrist to a cuffed ankle. The jumble of locks and cuffs wasn’t pretty, but it was effective. He flipped the nude Eve onto her back. She did her best to stifle her whimpers but the weight of her own body pressed against her bound limbs was painful. She wanted to cry out in pain but knew better than to make any sound louder than a church mouse!

Jerry grabbed the largest ring gag he could find. He wanted full use of all of Eve’s holes tonight so a ball gag would not suffice. After securing it tightly he asked Eve one question, “If you want to continue close your eyes.” Eve wanted nothing more than to be used by Jerry and whomever he deemed fit.

She closed he eyes.

Jerry smiled and placed “X’s” made of electrical tape over her eyes. She could not see a thing but her beauty was not hidden. A blindfold or a hood would have obscured her perfect facial features. Jerry wanted everyone that would be using Eve that night to enjoy her beauty along with her body.

Eve’s breathing grew heavy. Her breasts rose and fell rhythmically and the pace rose like a crescendo. Jerry wanted nothing more than to violate his helpless pet but he decided to wait instead.

He wanted her last.

He wanted her tired, sore, and begging to be released from her bondage.

…

Jerry snapped a few photos with his DSLR before leaving to the dining room bar to fix himself a cocktail. It was a quarter past the hour and the first guests were expected to arrive any moment.

The bell rang. Jerry sat his manhattan on the dining table, walked through the foyer, then answered the door.

“Chuck it’s great to see you! I’m glad you came.”

“Does Eve know you invited me?”

“No. She didn’t want to know who would be involved. Try not to speak to her. She might recognize your voice. Come in though. Help yourself to a drink.”

The two men began walking into the dining room as the bell rang again.

“I need to get that. She is in the master bedroom upstairs. Help yourself.” Jerry spoke those last two words with as much innuendo as he could muster. The men parted and Chuck decided to forgo his drink. He nervously meandered upstairs, taking any opportunity to pause. When he got to the door, he could hear Eve’s labored breathing.

…

Eve moaned in fear and anticipation. She trusted Jerry and knew he would keep her safe. Eve could live out her ultimate fantasy because of the agreement she made with Jerry. Of course this meant she would not be released until the last of Jerry’s guests were satisfied. That terrified her and thrilled her.

…

He peered in.

One glance at her helpless condition and his reservations melted away. Eve was his for the taking and he wasn’t going to waste a single moment.

Chuck began to hastily unzip his trousers as he stumbled over to the bed. His cock was erect when he made it to Eve and the first thing he did was force it into Eve’s open mouth. He struggled to mount her face with his pants at his ankles. Chuck grabbed Eve’s hair at the base with both hands to elevate her head slightly then began to vigorously pound her face through the ring gag.

Eve would have vomited if not for the fact that Jerry wouldn’t let her eat that day. Instead thick drool poured down her chin onto her chest. Chuck grabbed a handful of the drool, flipped her on her stomach and fingered her ass using her drool as lubricant. Eve began to moan in discomfort. She was not used to anyone taking her ass (Jerry had only done that once before).

One Chuck was satisfied that her ass hole would receive him, he pulled his fingered out and rammed himself into her with all of his strength. Eve cried out in pain through her gag and tried to squirm away. Chuck wouldn’t have it! He yanked her towards himself by her hair while pounding her ass quickly and deeply. He knew he would never have this opportunity again and he wanted to make sure the first ass pounding of the night was memorable for her (even if only for its sheer brutality).

Chuck was much too excited. He came deep inside her ass dropping all his weight on her as he did. Eve continued to cry out, helpless to escape but fully aware that she had agreed to anything Jerry’s guests wished to do to her.

When Chuck was finished, he shoved to fingers in her ass in order to scoop out his own semen. He pulled her head up again, rubbed his fingers on her face, slapped her then left.

He smiled.

…

to be continued…

by Audrey on June 28, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in BDSM, bondage, Erotica, Writing

Posted by Audrey on June 28, 2012

http://www.audreyrosexxx.com/words/just-a-little-fantasy/

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