On July 25, 2012 I received the following message to my YouTube channel (MiVidaSexy):

“Subject: terrible you make porn videos

What is WRONG with you?? You are SICK! What parent would ever raise their daughter to grow up to make porn videos?? You are just horrible! You set women back 200 years!! I am so upset I am shaking! I was watching Dawn Hawkins and then saw your video on the sidebar and am just SHOCKED! I can’t believe that people like you exist in the world!! I am going to have to write tons of blogs and make videos about this! I can’t believe YouTube would allow videos like yours!”

If you haven’t seen Dawn Hawkin’s “Torture Porn” YouTube video, go watch it then, go watch my video response..

The message above definitely merits a response.

“What is WRONG with you??”

Nothing is wrong with me. I am an average, 28 year old, married, tax-paying, American citizen. Well, I do have asthma and I am near sighted but nothing else is wrong with me. Yes I enjoy pornography (many people do and many more won’t admit they do) and I’m even working on making a career of pornography. This does not mean anything is wrong with me. Moreover, I enjoy sex that is probably considered deviant by the author of the message. That is, I enjoy group sex, sex with women, painful sex, degrading sex, public sex, anal sex, and, well, that is all I can think of now. Again, nothing is wrong with me. My kinks have been with me my entire sexual life and just now, at 28, am I able to proudly proclaim that this does not make me a bad person and that there is nothing wrong with me.

“You are SICK!”

I am a bit sick. I already said so! I’m asthmatic and recently my control medication has been leaving me a bit wheezy. I might have to see my general health practitioner about that soon but otherwise, I’m a pretty damn healthy woman.

“What parent would ever raise their daughter to grow up to make porn videos?? ”

My parents had nothing to do with my decision to make porn. My mother would actually be pretty upset if she knew. She is a devout Catholic that doesn’t attend church due to her disdain of priest abuses swept under rug by the church. My mother is not okay with homosexuality or premarital sex so I’m certain my g/g scenes and all the sex my husband and I have (consensually) outside of our marriage would definitely get under her skin.

My mother did teach me to value an education, work hard, save, and that everything I want I must work for; nothing is handed to me in life. I’d say those are some pretty damn good values to instill in any child and I’ve done/am doing all she taught me. I finished my undergraduate degree (and I might pursue a graduate one in the future); when I’m on a porn set I know I’m there to do a job [insert dirty joke here] and I work my naked butt off [or here]; I’m saving for my first home; and everything I own I’ve worked fucking hard for (my parents were always working class with almost no disposable income so no, I’ve had nothing — including college tuition — handed to me).

So no my parents did not raise me to make porn.

“You are just horrible!”

Granted, I do have a bit of a temper (especially before 10am and coffee) and I don’t tolerate BS or drama (yes I will cut people out of my life for these offenses) but otherwise I’m not horrible. I don’t drown kittiens or eat babies or anything.

“You set women back 200 years!!”

Well let’s check on a two key women’s rights.
Can we women still vote? Well, that has been set in our constitution for nearly 100 years and last I checked, the 19th amendment is still there. So yes we can still vote. Okay so my porn work has not cost women the vote.
What about reproductive rights? Say, birth control. That has been widely available since, what, the 70′s (if I’m wrong please correct me)? Is the pill still available? Yup! And so are a ton of other types of contraception! Okay so my porn work has not chiseled away at reproductive rights (there is no way I’ve done nearly as much damage to this as religious pro-lifers).

Voting and access to reproductive health are two HUGE improvements for women. I have not set women back on either.

Furthermore I’ll argue that I’m helping women progress. Women are still ostracized for being sexual creatures. That is, if a woman proudly proclaims that she embraces her sexuality on her own terms she is labeled a slut. I’ve been called and treated as such since I discovered that I love sex, all kinds of sex, and began pursuing it with multiple partners. I spent years thinking I was “damaged goods,” afraid to tell romantic interests about my sexual past (with good reason). Many of my previous lovers insisted they didn’t care about my sexual past. As soon as I would tell them — and usually I had more sexual partners than them — they would break it off with me, leaving me heartbroken!

Was my sin, committed well before I knew them, so great that they couldn’t be with me? Does any women with more sexual experience than a man deserve spinsterhood?

Not at all! Their reaction was simply a byproduct of a society that teaches women they are there to be pursued and less experienced than men.

I imagine there are many women out there that feel the same way and have not found the courage to be sexual creatures without stigma. To you ladies I say, there is nothing wrong with you! Please just make sure to take care of your sexual health while enjoying and exploring your body with others (I’m certain your local Planned Parenthood will answer any questions).

Yes it’s okay for women to like sex. Yes it’s okay for women to pursue sex. Stop bashing and insulting women that choose to express and enjoy their sexuality.

“I am so upset I am shaking!”

Why is that? Because my lifestyle conflicts with your moral and religious views? (Just a wild guess — stop me if I’m wrong.)

Get over it.

My life affects you in NO WAY. If you don’t like porn don’t watch it. If you don’t like me, IGNORE ME! Go ahead and teach your children (if you are a parent) that what I do is not something you agree with.

It won’t stop you from shaking though. Maybe being a bit more tolerant of other views and lifestyles would. Seriously, living a life full of hatred and intolerance is really tiring. I really think you’d be much happier with a live-and-let-live attitude.

“I was watching Dawn Hawkins and then saw your video on the sidebar and am just SHOCKED!”

Oh yes the Dawn Hawkins video. I’ve been told she has seen it.

Dawn, the offer is still open for lunch. Maybe striking up a dialogue would help ease some of your concerns about kink.com. I know a great Indian place on 16th and Valencia near the Armory and I will gladly treat!

And miss send-me-angry-YouTube-mesages, you can come too! Maybe you’d see that I’m not a terrible person and that there is nothing wrong with me. I just choose to live my life differently than you.

“I can’t believe that people like you exist in the world!!”

And yes many people like me exist in this world and lucky for me, in the bay area. Many of my closest friends and lovers are other sex-positive, poly, kinksters and I LOVE THEM!!! If it wasn’t for having a community to call our own, we might actually begin to believe people like you or Dawn Hawkins.

“I am going to have to write tons of blogs and make videos about this!”

Please do so! We’re in America! Land of the free where you can speak your mind and I can be a pervert! We are both free to do that so please, exercise your freedom to bash me and my lifestyle while I go on enjoying my lifestyle. We’ll both be shaking but at least I’ll be shaking from great sex and not intolerance.

“I can’t believe YouTube would allow videos like yours!”

I know right? How dare YouTube allow any person to post a video defending their own view points, lifestyle, and community. You think they’d know better and censor infidels like us with viewpoints that oppose the moral majority!